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WARNING: LENGTY POST :)
Hi my Dear People, Sorry for my pause again, not that I did not want to come, It s just I did not have time to do so!!!! I actually have a busy weekend and for once it s not a workin weekend so I am happy about that. Actually I am with a such cuty nice friend of mine, she's from India and she s in Dublin for 3 weeks, well now 1 week left. Let s call her Kitkit :) Now as u know I m a big fan of India and I am also extremely curious about ur culture, traditions, religion etc etc etc. Then she showed me a post she wrote it in her private blog and since I found it sooooooo freakin kewl and mostly I wanted to have ur opinions too because frankly for me French chick it s ... and u know, hopefully, how open minded I am, but if this thing was happening i ll stay single my entire life or I turn lesbian to avoid that chaos around me :) Now here it is:it s a bit lenghty :P And I ll be back soon to reply to the comments of the previous post as well! Please do give me ur thoughts on that story below :)
As soon as I enter the room all those tracking eyes following Mehehe the whole way. I see the ponytail girl staring at Mehehe . For a min Mehehe closes her eyes and picture herself in the waiting room, of the emergency. All sorts of things rise before Mehehe's eye still ... She tries her best to keep her cool and smile.
Elderly female from the Family will sit next to you and examine you by scratching your cheeks and check if you have camouflage your face will layers of powder , will measure your hair length , will touch your mid riff and see if you have lots of fat , Read your palm lines, make you remove your heels and compare your height with them , enquire's the address of the shop you got the Dress , Bangles from etc etc after this scrutiny and as soon as you take deep breath and think its over ....you 'll have bullets of questions shot from everyone with no life lines. Where you are left to fight your own battle . Although the answer is not as easy as the question seems to be . Questions such as
* What is your Name?
* What is your DOB ?
* Can you cook?
* What all can you cook ?
* Do you Offer Prayer ?
* What're your expectation from your Life Partner ?
* When do you go to work ?
* When do you come back ?
* How long have you been Working ?
* How do you manage to work along with other gender?
* Did you come across any challenging situation at work?
* Do you watch TV
* What do you watch on TV ?
* Do you live Saas Bahu Serials ?
* What are your Office Timings?
* How do you Commute ?
* What is your nature of Job?
* What do you do on weekends ?
* When did you complete your schooling and graduation ?
* What are your Hobbies?
* What are your Future Plans ?
* What is your Blood Group ?
* Do you like Kids?
* Do you wear Burkha ?
* Do you wear Jeans to work ?
* How often do you shop?
* Can you recite something and show us?
* How much do you earn?
* What do you do with your salary ?
* Is this your Own House?
* Where did you Guys lived before ?
* How much money do you give at home?
* Do you want to cont working after wedding ?
And you know what ... the the most funniest thing is "THE GUY" is escorted free of question . I wish Mehehe's family uses MY Questionnaire for the "Guy".
* Are you a prisoner of any intoxicating material ?
* Do you drool over women ?
* How many bald spots do you have ?
* Can you cook ?
* How much do you earn ?
* What are your future plans ?
* Can you make our daughter smile ? Buhahaha!
* Will you be a true companion for our Daughter in all the ups and highs of life ?
* Will you give her the liberty to pursue her Dreams ?
I once remember attending a cooking class and I was told to surreptitiously scratch a bit into the mango and smell it, throw up and catch the brinjal to ensure it was light in weight , while the cabbage suffered the same ignominy to ensure it was tight and heavy , while the potatoes shouldn't have black spots or holes in them. Tomatoes had to be jus the right red and plump and fleshy , while onions were to be jus the right pink and dry ; In short Jus choose the best lookers of the lot and you've got it right! - Class Over!
You know what I think? Some things can be so disturbing....
Is Mehehe a product for yourself which you can exchange or refund if not found suitable. You are going to choose someone to walk with you through life, through the difficult times and the good times or a showpiece or a maid ?
Ps:- And that reminds me of something. I could die for the one man who drives me crazy , who speaks broken hindi, writes nominally well, who aint prisoner of any intoxicating materials, who doesn't drool over other women , loves his sis , lives by music, sings like Sonu Nigam and is loved and respected by all. If anyone could make a better person of me it is probably him. Always choose a life partner who's ready to forgive your first time follies and still accept you , who calms your inner fears. Who does not consult his time table when you need him . Who's not judgmental all the time. Who smiles when you do something silly. Who doesnt love you 'coz you are beautiful . You are beautiful 'coz he loves you.
Whew, Sounds like a Yash Raj Script ? As if I care. They say when you dream, dream big. As big as the ocean, blue. 'Cause when you dream it might come true.
By the way, I was looking for a pic to illustrate the post and when I typed 'good daughter-in-law' in Google on the first page of image results I got mostly pictures of Indian women!!!!! Frankly i m not surprised, french daughter-in-law are a pain in the @ss as much as the mother-in-law :)
Now u tell me what u think cz well for me when I read the questions or the sneaky way to see if the woman is fit I almost got a stroke, and If u do have others questions like she wrote or stories like that please do share them in the comments :)
As soon as I enter the room all those tracking eyes following Mehehe the whole way. I see the ponytail girl staring at Mehehe . For a min Mehehe closes her eyes and picture herself in the waiting room, of the emergency. All sorts of things rise before Mehehe's eye still ... She tries her best to keep her cool and smile.
Elderly female from the Family will sit next to you and examine you by scratching your cheeks and check if you have camouflage your face will layers of powder , will measure your hair length , will touch your mid riff and see if you have lots of fat , Read your palm lines, make you remove your heels and compare your height with them , enquire's the address of the shop you got the Dress , Bangles from etc etc after this scrutiny and as soon as you take deep breath and think its over ....you 'll have bullets of questions shot from everyone with no life lines. Where you are left to fight your own battle . Although the answer is not as easy as the question seems to be . Questions such as
* What is your Name?
* What is your DOB ?
* Can you cook?
* What all can you cook ?
* Do you Offer Prayer ?
* What're your expectation from your Life Partner ?
* When do you go to work ?
* When do you come back ?
* How long have you been Working ?
* How do you manage to work along with other gender?
* Did you come across any challenging situation at work?
* Do you watch TV
* What do you watch on TV ?
* Do you live Saas Bahu Serials ?
* What are your Office Timings?
* How do you Commute ?
* What is your nature of Job?
* What do you do on weekends ?
* When did you complete your schooling and graduation ?
* What are your Hobbies?
* What are your Future Plans ?
* What is your Blood Group ?
* Do you like Kids?
* Do you wear Burkha ?
* Do you wear Jeans to work ?
* How often do you shop?
* Can you recite something and show us?
* How much do you earn?
* What do you do with your salary ?
* Is this your Own House?
* Where did you Guys lived before ?
* How much money do you give at home?
* Do you want to cont working after wedding ?
And you know what ... the the most funniest thing is "THE GUY" is escorted free of question . I wish Mehehe's family uses MY Questionnaire for the "Guy".
* Are you a prisoner of any intoxicating material ?
* Do you drool over women ?
* How many bald spots do you have ?
* Can you cook ?
* How much do you earn ?
* What are your future plans ?
* Can you make our daughter smile ? Buhahaha!
* Will you be a true companion for our Daughter in all the ups and highs of life ?
* Will you give her the liberty to pursue her Dreams ?
I once remember attending a cooking class and I was told to surreptitiously scratch a bit into the mango and smell it, throw up and catch the brinjal to ensure it was light in weight , while the cabbage suffered the same ignominy to ensure it was tight and heavy , while the potatoes shouldn't have black spots or holes in them. Tomatoes had to be jus the right red and plump and fleshy , while onions were to be jus the right pink and dry ; In short Jus choose the best lookers of the lot and you've got it right! - Class Over!
You know what I think? Some things can be so disturbing....
Is Mehehe a product for yourself which you can exchange or refund if not found suitable. You are going to choose someone to walk with you through life, through the difficult times and the good times or a showpiece or a maid ?
Ps:- And that reminds me of something. I could die for the one man who drives me crazy , who speaks broken hindi, writes nominally well, who aint prisoner of any intoxicating materials, who doesn't drool over other women , loves his sis , lives by music, sings like Sonu Nigam and is loved and respected by all. If anyone could make a better person of me it is probably him. Always choose a life partner who's ready to forgive your first time follies and still accept you , who calms your inner fears. Who does not consult his time table when you need him . Who's not judgmental all the time. Who smiles when you do something silly. Who doesnt love you 'coz you are beautiful . You are beautiful 'coz he loves you.
Whew, Sounds like a Yash Raj Script ? As if I care. They say when you dream, dream big. As big as the ocean, blue. 'Cause when you dream it might come true.
By the way, I was looking for a pic to illustrate the post and when I typed 'good daughter-in-law' in Google on the first page of image results I got mostly pictures of Indian women!!!!! Frankly i m not surprised, french daughter-in-law are a pain in the @ss as much as the mother-in-law :)
Now u tell me what u think cz well for me when I read the questions or the sneaky way to see if the woman is fit I almost got a stroke, and If u do have others questions like she wrote or stories like that please do share them in the comments :)
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24 people read it till the end and comment on it ;):
Lets just say Mom-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law isnt the smoothest of all relationship.
Yeah this use to be the case like 15 years back.It might be still the case in smaller Indian cities.
But the trend is changing.
@ Tarun
yeah I know, thought when u re living in a joint family it ain t gonna be easy, we don t live gladly with mother-in-law in France!!!
And when u say 15 years ago or still in smaller city: do u consider Hyderabad as a small city ???? :P
tc
C
See where the problem in the marriage originates...
Its betweeen the Ma in law and daughter in law and who gets fcuked...the son/husband...very well written post...and some good reasoning...
my only quirk is that these daughter in laws who have gone thru this dont realize and change - they do the same thing when its their turn....its as if their whole life they are waiting for the revenge...
Inlaws relationships are always complex ones everywhere and India is no difeerent.
The scenario you wrote about is no more tue in most of the educated families, now girls and boys meet and ask each other questions.
My perspective is this...when you go to buy even a refrigerator you ask hundred questions, here you are going to finalise a matter which will affect all your future life, so why not be sure? why the questions are taken as offending to your dignity? They are asked because they want to know whether the couple will be compatible or not? In an arranged marriage, families do their best to gauge the compatibility and this is the only way? Would anyone prefer marrying without asking anything and then finding certain traits which cant be tolerated.
Like I was very strict that i wont bring a girl into my house who is non.veg, reason being that I cant stand non veg food in my house, and if she comes, I cant deny her favourite food.
The parameters you have stated for a life partner are very good but can be tested for love marriage only:)
Dont remember whether I informed you or not, u have been tagged !
relations are kinda difficult sometimes..but when u tend to understand ur inlawas everything is solved out...its just sometimes u have to behave in a mood of theirs...
but the relation with mom in law and daughter is hardest of all..it depends on the mom to be cool sometimes...
it was a good read sweetie..
urs..hemu..
hehe i enjoyed reading this..
well i do agree to the views mentioned here.. guess i am much of being a diplomatic.. yes unless n until u ask questions u wont know if they are compatible.. but at the same time only the gurl shouldn't alone be targetted for questioning.. it should be both sides.. and someone else shouldn't speak for them..
it could so happen that the parents have an entirely different view than the kids who are the one who'll get married n lead their life.. be it in a joint family or their own nuclear family.. so if it is something against their belief then things will get pretty weird..
n yes mom-in-law n daughter in law relationship is not smoothest.. but same goes with any new relationship.. dont understand why only tht gets sooo noticed.. :)
sorry for the long comment now.. hehe
@ Ceedy
++See where the problem in the marriage originates...++ :)LOL
++they do the same thing when its their turn....its as if their whole life they are waiting for the revenge...++ for that I don t know, i hope that wid the new generation, things will change...
Thanks for opinion CD
tc
C
@ Renu
++ The scenario you wrote about is no more tue in most of the educated families, now girls and boys meet and ask each other questions.++
I won t agree with u on that one, my friends is well educated, living with a joint family a bit over protective ok
++ My perspective is this...when you go to buy even a refrigerator you ask hundred questions, here you are going to finalise a matter which will affect all your future life, so why not be sure? ++
wow how can u compare a refrigator to a woman Renu!! Women are priceless right :P I think it s different, u put money on the refrigator not on the future wife!
++why the questions are taken as offending to your dignity?++
* When do you come back ? y such a question really, would it be worst to come back at 6 or 9PM!!! what s the difference!
* Can you recite something and show us? omg, is it really a competition, so talent show or something, if it was me i would refuse to do it what it has to do with having a great marriage?
* Do you wear Jeans to work ?
this one was funny, am i a bad person if i wear jeans to go to work??? really tell y such a question?
++They are asked because they want to know whether the couple will be compatible or not?++
do u really think knowing in advance if she s wearing a jeans will change something?
++In an arranged marriage, families do their best to gauge the compatibility and this is the only way? ++
y then the kids can t decide themselve? simply cz parents been through their wedding they can be certain that their choice will be better than their kids choice?
++Would anyone prefer marrying without asking anything and then finding certain traits which cant be tolerated.++ u ll need more than 1000 questions to know that if u can, for me due to my experience, u can t never really know someone till u live with.... u can be so disappointed, whatever how many questions u asked.
++Like I was very strict that i wont bring a girl into my house who is non.veg, reason being that I cant stand non veg food in my house, and if she comes, I cant deny her favourite food.++ i m a not a vegetarian person:( does it mean we won t meet when i m coming to india :(((
++The parameters you have stated for a life partner are very good but can be tested for love marriage only:)++ guess i m not really in favor with arranged marriage, at least it should be a lovely arranged marriage! I don t know for me I m for the happiness of my kids, and frankly i d prefer choose on my own so in case it does not work with him i ll blame him and me only not my parents!! :)
Thanks Renu for that long comment it was interesting to have different views and answers :)
tc
C
PS: i know u ll tag me, i reply to u telling u i haven t forgot, i ll do it soon :)
@ Hems
yes, relationship are not an easy things....
thanks for sharing ur thoughts
C
@ Ani
++.. it should be both sides.. and someone else shouldn't speak for them..++ definitively, man should get the questions too!!!! but some questions are way too much (read my reply to Renu 's :)
++it could so happen that the parents have an entirely different view than the kids who are the one who'll get married n lead their life..++
so true, my mum for instance she loves red hair guy and so far i ve never ever found one attractive, i d rather be alone than live with someone i don t like
++ dont understand why only tht gets sooo noticed.. :)++ dunno, probably cz it s between 2 women and they have the tendency to be more dramatic than men :)
thanks for long comment!!!
c
Ha ha... Of mothers-and-daughters-in-law! Don't wanna sound clichéd already, as ppl have pointed it out. ;D
But well... Any relationship has to be built upon trust. And to trust, it takes quite sometime. One shd learn to appreciate each other's differences. Accept them...
Nice read.
Peace.
---
Greetings,
Thank you for stopping by to voice out. I appreciate your time.
Be seeing you...
Peace. Have a nice day.
Cess, I dun think Im the MARRYING kind :)
Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law hardly get along in Indian marriages..that I know!
**Its betweeen the Ma in law and daughter in law and who gets fcuked...
LOL Ceedy!
Cess MWAH! U TC now...I'll see ya when I see ya next. byeeeeeee!
Keshi.
Cess, i had hurriedly scrolled down this post earlier but could not quite get the gist of it, may be due to some preoccupation, so today i read in detail.
In arranged marriages the boy's family go to the girl's house to see the would be bride. But then again the conversation that you have qouted may not take place verbatim. Yes the elders are more probing types so thay may ask some embaracing questions some times, but if the boy and the girl are sensible enough they may just turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to all that crap.
Now a days such formal visits are avoided and the families try to meet each other at some informal gathering or a function.
I, on my part, had gone to visit Jeet's house twenty six years ago with my family members and the moment i saw her i fell for her. I have written about it in my other blog it goes like this :-
जब पहली बार देखा था तुम्हें
तुम घिरी हुई थी
अपनी सखियों में
और मैं अपने संबंधियों में
एक हल्की सी मुस्कान थी
तुम्हारे चहरे पे
शायद थोडी घबराहट भी
और उसी घबराहट में तुम
कभी उंगली पर दुपट्टा लपेटती ]
और कभी
उँगलियों को दबाती
अपने हाथों से ।
कितना जीं चाहा था
उन हाथों को उसी दम
अपने हाथों में ले लेने का और
मन ही मन वादा कर दिया था
उन हाथों को जीवन भर
थाम के रखने का
Please ask some of your Indian friends to translate it for you.
Well Cess, it does happen still - maybe not to such an extent but nonetheless it does happen. Luckily I chose my own guy and the folks on both sides were very happy n got us married off :P
But ya, love marriages are still frowned upon in many families - especially if outside the community.
are u gonna get married :O ?
Nice post...
Well yes relations take time to build specially that of a saas - bahu :D
The thing is that the trend is actually changing... This used to happen almost in every household decades back... Today it still happens but these incidents are few..
Most couples opt for nuclear families these days..
India Women today has come a long way... BTW India was one of the first countries to have a Woman Prime Minister ...
Well I would refrain from going into history ...
India today speaks of women like Indra nooyi, Aishwarya Rai, Kiran Bedi.. to name a few....
It takes time to change the society even more if the change is going to affect millions.. the change has begun long back... so would take time.. but sooner later we would break ourselves from such an image.....
u put money on the refrigator not on the future wife!
Then isnt it more important to see all the aspects? becuase your whole life is certainly more important than money:)
am i a bad person if i wear jeans to go to work???
these are stereotyped biases in india where a person's character is defined by certain traits.
I know that marriage is complete gamble, but still a calculated gamble is better than totally venturing into a unknown jungle:)
parents are just being cautious for the sake of future happiness of their children.
and of course children can decide for themselves, its only when they dont opt for love marriages themselves that the marriages are being organised by parents.
i m a not a vegetarian person:( does it mean we won t meet when i m coming to india :(((
U misunderstood my point:(...I have many non veg friends, I go to their place they come to mine, BUT i dont bring anything non veg in my house and dont serve any....and DIl in India is a family memebr who will live with me or I may live with her, so it will be a major conflict with us then.
I am very much interested in meeting you and have said so many times, but so far you havent told me anything about ur trip.
heylo...how have you been?
any plans to update?
@ Kartz
++One shd learn to appreciate each other's differences. Accept them...++ i know though it s not always easy i m afraid!!!
++Thank you for stopping by to voice out. I appreciate your time.++ u are certainly welcome!!!
tc
C.
@ Keshi
++ I dun think Im the MARRYING kind :)++ oh really!! I guess I haven t noticed it at all!!!! :P
++Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law hardly get along in Indian marriages..that I know!++ it s not just in India dear, the difference is in France we don t have to live with the mother in law :P
I hope u re doin well sweetie, i miss u
C
@ Balvinder
++may be due to some preoccupation, so today i read in detail.++ I hope ur preoccupations are gone by now! :)
++ Yes the elders are more probing types so thay may ask some embaracing questions some times, but if the boy and the girl are sensible enough they may just turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to all that crap.++ well I hope so but it s hard for me to go through this type of embarassing question, and y the girl only?
++Now a days such formal visits are avoided and the families try to meet each other at some informal gathering or a function.++ it is still happening i m afraid, i hope with the time things will evolve.
++I, on my part, had gone to visit Jeet's house twenty six years ago with my family members and the moment i saw her i fell for her.++
omg that is so sweet
++ I have written about it in my other blog it goes like this++ i don t speak hindi but i ll make sure i ll found someone to translate it for me!
tc
C
@SMM
++ Luckily I chose my own guy and the folks on both sides were very happy n got us married off :P++ well i m very happy for u!
++But ya, love marriages are still frowned upon in many families - especially if outside the community.++ yeah :(
tc
C
@ Sou
Are u kiddin erm no thank u, I don t need to get married, wait a minute, i should find someone BEFORE getting married :P
tc
C
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