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- Waiting end of August to be back to France and see my family...

- 'Summer' is almost over here .... ;(

- It is migraines' week.... ;(
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CTM: stage 4 humorous speech ;)



Well, this speech is a bit different, and I am ever more proud of this one. I made all the others speechs by myself but this one was a bit different. It was a humorous speech. With the toastmaster international you have 2 type of contests: the Speech contest and the Humorous Speech contest. Starting in your club, then in the district, in the country, and internationally. I think i m funny, I like to make some jokes, I m a big fan of Muriel Robin and Florence Foresti who are 2 talented french comedian. I used to imitate them in France during a diner with my family or friends.
So, for my speech 4 I decided to make a humorous speech, and trust me, this was damn hard, I am always nervous before starting a speech but for this one I was freakin' scared!!!!!! cause you never know if they re gonna laugh at your joke and if they don t laugh the first 20 seconds you are pretty much screwed right! So I made a speech based on a story between a me and boyfriend, and my experience with Diet and nutritionist.

Project (Stage) 4: How to say it

Time: five to seven minutes
Objectives:
1) Select the right words and sentence structure to communicate your ideas clearly, accurately and vividly.
2) Use rhetorical devices to enhance and emphasize ideas
3) Eliminate jargon and unnecessary words.
4) Use correct grammar.

Has anyone here been on a diet? You don't have to answer, just give me the look (do the look), well I have been, as a matter of fact, many times. But I remember one in particular:

BF(boyfriend)- Honey, I think we need to talk

ME- Yes dear what is it?

BF- you know that I love you right? I mean no matter what, I really really love you

ME- yessss (look suspiscious)

BF- well, I noticed that over the past year that you gained a little bit of weight

ME (to the public)- oh by the way, I'm not blind, I know i gained weight, however this is the kind of discussion you don't want to have with your boyfriend.

ME - indeed, and

BF- I still find you very attractive, especially when you do...

ME - (cut him before he finishes his sentence) ok ok I got the idea, so-

BF- I have a friend who went to see a nutritionist and she lost 20 pounds like that, in 3 months

ME (to the public)-Well, in the name of love, one week later, I was sitting on a chair waiting for Miss Healthy the nutritionist to meet with me.

NU- oh hello there, so why did u come here?

ME (to the public)Do they really have to ask this question...always, what do you think i'm here for? A manicure? No, i'm here because my boyfriend who loves me, gently reminded me that I have gained weight. But of course you can't say that to this gorgeous, thin, healthy, blonde pageant nutritionist.

ME- well I gained some weight recently

NU- (she looks at me from head to toes) I can see that

(I make the ugly look when i m not happy)

ME - so I would like some advice.

ME (to the public) And here comes the most dramatic moment that every woman fears....

NU- can you please step on the scales

ME - do we really have to do that

NU-yes

ME - can I just tell you how much I weigh ...on average

NU- no

ME - fine (me looking at the scale),(to the nutricionist) ok i m ready (closed my eyes and step on the invisible scale), can u please not tell me how much I weigh, ok, just take that damn number and don t say anything

NU- so your weight is...

ME - ssshshshshshsh, no, shshshshshshs

ME (to the public) so after a series of questions on what I eat, how much I eat, about my food shopping, with whom, for who, how do i cook , they are always sure they find the perfect diet for u, always, like you have never tried them before ;)

NU- u told that your blood type is A, so i have the perfect diet for u

ME (to the public)- of course she has it

So 60 euros later, I come back home looking at my new super diet.

As you can see, or maybe you don't see it, but let me explain (have a doc in my hand with table and chart), you have different types of food: meat, vegetables, oil, oil, cheese, fruits, Here u have 3 categories, the pink one, the beneficial one naming all the food that could help u loose weight, the green neutral category, you don t gain weight but you don t lose weight, and the RED one, blinking like ALERT ALERT, this is the 'AVOID these foods' list. So, you can see a very tiny column of healthy food, and a huuuuuuuuge column of do not eat these, sounds great.

Now as u know I'm French, I do love food. Let's see the list in details:for the meat, i m looking at the healthy pink column and what a surprise - it's empty, and when i go to the Red column: ALL THE MEATS YOU COULD NAME, I was definitively not planning on becoming a vegetarian. It was a very sad day for me.

Now let's talk about the cheese: I am a very big fan of cheese, the healthy cheese option on my new diet: soy cheese, soy cheese? well first of all i ve never understood how they could make cheese with soy, I thought we need milk from real animals to get some cheese, not from vegetables and I look at the avoid list: camembert, brie, blue cheese, milk, butter, omg, i'm getting emotional again.

Ok let' s change category, let's go to the vegetables, since i have to eat them, jeeeezzzzz, even on the pink column I have the worst vegetables ever like dandelions green - it's a flower, why should i eat that, there are even names that i've never heard of, like Alfafa, what the hell is Alfafa? could not even find it on wikipedia, it is apparently a sort of plant, how am i supposed to cook that since I cant use olive oil, vinegar or butter? Tofu, I hate Tofu, this is a nightmare!

So after these 30 terrible mins of reading my blood A diet - let me give you some advice for the future if you decide to go on a diet:

- first of all: never EVER listen to your boyfriend when he starts a conversation by "you know that I love you no matter what", ever

- 2nd of all: don't trust the skinny gorgeous nutritionist with her miraculous diet

- and 3rd of all: you can always count on your best friends, and that's what I did, I called my two best friends Ben and Jerry to bring me some chocolate flavor to make me feel better!

Mister toastmaster.

After that speech, people encouraged me to participate to the Humorous Speech Contest... what do u think, should I?

Positive thought of day: spammed my blog ;)

2 people read it till the end and comment on it ;):

--xh-- said...

heym try ur hands @ teh humors speech - it will be a great hit for sure:)

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